Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Infertility=can of krylon. I'll spray paint you if you stand still long enough!

For those of you that don't know me and are just being nosy or lurking on me, there are a few things I must say before I get into this whole blogging thing. First, I cannot spell. If you are having a heart attack, need a catheter, are bleeding from your rectum or any other orifice...I am your girl! Spelling...NOT SO MUCH!  If you are going to follow this blog you will have to forgive my poor spelling, and "southern" grammar. I write just like I speak! So consider the context and forgive my lack of writing ability! Second, I am very ADD. You also must overlook the fact that I will probably skip back and forth and forget what I was even talking about by the end of the paragraph. So that being said I'll try to keep up! Enjoy the novel that is my life!

So I originally sat down and wrote this blog about 3 months ago. I went to press "post" when I heard something (something being that still, small voice in your mind that tells you..."yo, that's probably not a good idea. Yeah, that one. The one I have ignored for many years) tell me not to do it. I had no idea why, I just put the computer down and went to bed. (The voice could have been the Ambien talking but that's beside the point). Anyway, I never thought another thing about it. The original intent (that one's for you dad), was to explain my infertility woes as they unfolded. That sounds very narcissistic (yeah, no spell check), but I truly have had many people text me and call me concerning what is going on in my life, and I just don't have enough time to properly fill everybody in. I do not think that facebook is the proper place to plaster infertility issues, so I thought Hey, I'll write a blog. Long story short, fast forward 3 months. I was working in the garage on one of my many craft projects when as sure as I am standing here, there was the voice again. For those of you that believe in God, it was totally Him talking to me. If that freaks you out, you might want to close this tab and go back to lurking on facebook (hahaha cracking myself up). Anyways, I heard the voice which will from here on out be referred to as God, speak to me and I bet you want to know what he said! He said (LOUD BOOMING VOICE) YOUR GETTING ON MY NERVES. No really he didn't say that, He told me that I should go and write the blog now. Of course I began to argue, in true Jessica fashion. But why now? But why not then? But I'm busy. But, but, but. So He told me that I should write it now because my heart has changed. He said, you started to write this blog to evoke sympathy (omg really? did he have to smack me with that?), but that is totally not the point. Now you can go and write the blog as a testament to my faithfulness to you. Instead of making this about you, why don't you try making it about me! REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY? REALLLLLY? Ouchhhhhhhh. I almost drove a nail through my finger. I think I even said out loud "really"? Dang God, that hurt. (See me and God, we are cool like that. I am sarcastic to Him, and He is ridiculously sarcastic right back to me- I met my match).  No really though, as much as it hurts to hear it, He was right. As hard as infertility has been (and thats a whole nuther story for l8r), God has been so good to me. I have learned more and grown more in the past year than I have in about the last 10 combined. He continues to comfort me, reassure me, teach me, scream at me (necessary dude), and mostly love on me like I never imagined possible. I have no idea where I am going with this other than to say that I am happier and more content and just as infertile now, as I was a year ago. Do I have my moments? Absolutely. I don't think I'll ever stop having them (although the Lexapro helps the voices! lolol). Seriously, I can sum this up with a little story you may have heard of. It's about a gentleman named Abraham. He just happens to be my forefather, and I therefore am destined to receive his inheretance!! Read on and let this give you hope. It's not just about having a baby, it's about how incredible our heavenly father is, and how much He cares about the things that we think are insignificant. 

Sarah is married to Abraham. She is unable to conceive, although married for many years. Eventually she is not only unable to conceive but beyond childbearing years. (ie she is old as well...)
Ironically she is married to Abraham who has been promised descendants that will number like the stars in the sky and the sand on a beach. A great promise and yet for Abraham and Sarah, the fulfilment seems beyond all reach. (and I thought my situation was bad? at least i'm still pre-menapausal)
It is at this point that The Lord comes to Abraham once more.

"Then the LORD said, I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son
. Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him.
11 Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.
12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought,
After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure? (can't help but laugh here. That sounds just like me!)
13 Then the LORD said to Abraham, Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?'

Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son.

And the result??? Not long after this Sarah and Abraham's son Isaac is born, one of the great patriarchs of the Jewish people.

"For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37)
Wow!!!!!! Be encouraged. The God of Abraham is the same God that is in my heart right this very second!!! He is everything I need and then some!
So back to babies...I'll let everybody in the known free world know when my time comes, (and for the record, it's soon), but until then, if I never have a baby it will not sway my belief in my loving, concerned father one stitch.  I have no idea what happened to me, but I'm pretty sure it's my moms fault. After all, she didn't breast feed me =( . 
I'll be in touch and I'll post some craft stuff tomorrow for those of you asking.


Anonymous said...

Jessica, You don't know me (I don't believe anyway lol) but we have many mutual friends; Lindsey Switzer, Ava, Allyson, Jamie, Bobbie Wilson, etc....I could probably go on an on O and your husband. Anyways, that is not my point for posting a comment on your blog. I happened across your blog when I was on Lindsey's page and I can't even begin to remember what I was looking at but anyways, again I'm straying from my point of this comment lol. I just really wanted to tell you that over the past year or two I have seen your face through MANY pics from my friends fb pages and read so many of your O so funny comments to the point now that I feel like I know you. Ok I really am not a stalker, really! I just wanted to say that you are beautiful I'm so happy that Steven married you and I absolutely adore your sense of humor and most importantly your faith and how raw it is. I read some of your blogs and I just cracked up at the sincerity and humor in them. So with that said you don't know me from adam but I am happy to have met you, even though not face to face but through our other mutual friends and fb. I hope I have not come across as rather strange I just appreciate God, humor, honesty, and most important rawness...I love to be just raw about my life and God and where God has lead me. Thanks for taking a minute to indulge my comment. Lex

Jessica Elliott said...

Hahaha lindsey and I laughed so hard at this message! Psycho fb stalker! Jk! Thanks so much girl. Please keep reading and stay in touch. I'm on a Bachelorette weekend now but ill post when I get home! And for gods sake friend request me! P.s. how do u know steven? From the bowling ally?! :)