Sunday, July 31, 2011

Affirmation? Yes please, may I have another?

Hello Friends!

The subject on my mind these last few weeks has been affirmation. If you aren't well aquinted with being affirmed...join the club. While affirming others and ourselves is very important in life, having affirmation from your spouse is REALLY, REALLY important. Before anybody gets their panties in a wad, I discussed this with my hubbster, this blog is paid for and approved by him.  I am not disclosing any personal information that he doesn't know about.  That being said, redecorating a house is well...NOT like it is on the Home Depot commercial. We were not laughing and splattering paint on one anothers face ending it with a kiss. In fact, quite the opposite. We fought like cats and dogs, through out this entire process. We may continue to fight, not sayin the fat lady sung yet. But.....the most important thing is that, since the white horse went buck wild and left our lives (you know, the one Steven used to ride), we are down to the nitty gritty of what marriage is really all about. YES REALLY! Dude, people divorce over stuff like this. Maybe not over this one situation, but after years of non-compliant husbands, um I mean spouses, they leave. So my journey with this has been animated (I know you don't believe that, me? animated?), and let's just say lively. Now that I am rounding the corner and can see the light, I pondered what is the most important thing that I feel like I need. Yes, a cold coke and a baby did make the top of the list, but running a close second was AFFIRMATION. Please people, how do you think your spouse would react if you woke up tomorrow morning and said "thank you so much for working hard to support our family. I know we don't have everything and times are tough but knowing that you would walk on hot coals to feed us is enough for me".  Awkward. I hear the "but you don't understand how freakin annoying my husband is... uh yeah I assure you...I do! lol . Doesnt change a thing and I'll be more than happy to tell you why. Check out this awesome info I found on reasons affirmation is so necessary in a marriage. (For you single people, the fast you learn this, the better off you will be. And it applies in all aspects of life. =))

This is important for at least four reasons:

  1.  You get more of what you affirm. Have you ever noticed that when someone praises you, you want to repeat the behavior that caused it? This is just human nature. It can be a form of manipulation if it isn’t genuine. But it can be a powerful way to motivate others when it is authentic. (I take no responsibility for you manipulating your husband for anything, although I may be just a tad guilty of that me-own-self!) If you have never done the love language test you should. It's awesome. Go to and check it out).
  1. Affirmation shifts your attitude toward your spouse. Words are powerful tools. They can create, or they can destroy. The Bible says that our tongues are sharper than any two-edged sword. WOW>They can build up, or they can tear down. I believe most people have a drive to align their actions—and their attitudes—with their words. If you start speaking well of someone, you start believing what you say. Next thing you know, you may just like your spouse!
  2. Affirmation helps strengthen your spouse’s best qualities. Encouragement is also a powerful force for good. All of us need positive reinforcement. This is why when we are losing weight and people notice, it gives us the strength to stick with the program. This is true in every area of life. This is very important for people like me that tend to be negative about EVERYTHING!
  3. Affirmation wards off the temptation of adultery. When others see you are happily married, they are less likely to proposition you. It’s like a hedge that protects your marriage from would-be predators. You simply stop being a target. I'm gonna leave this alone now. Nuff said.
  4. Affirmation provides a model to those you lead. To be a truly effective leader, you must lead yourself, and then you must lead your family. Your marriage is a powerful visual of how you treat the people you value the most. When you speak highly of your spouse, your followers are more likely to trust you. It takes your leadership to another level. Hayyyyyyyy. Shape up, or ship it out.

Affirming your spouse in public is an investment that pays big leadership dividends. In a world where fewer and fewer marriages last, it can be a difference-maker in yours and mine. Steven says "we have no plan b. plan b is you in the woods and me with a shovel". Instead of ending up there, maybe I should try the old affirmation thing. Maybe you should too. Let me know how it works out for ya! 

Just FYI: Here are my results. Omg. Imagine this.

Test Results:

Percent Language Score
Words of Affirmation   10  
Quality Time     8
Receiving Gifts   5  

Acts of Service   9  
Physical Touch    
How to Interpret Your Profile Score

Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. If two scores are identical, you are bi-lingual(you have two Primary love languages). If the scores of your primary language and your secondary language are close(for example, 10 and 9 respectively), it indicates both are important to you. The highest possible score for any one love language is 12.

Having a clear picture of your primary and secondary love languages will explain much of your past behavior. Think back over the past and ask yourself, "What have I most often requested of my spouse?" Chances are your answer will lie within the scope of your primary and secondary love languages. You have been requesting that which would meet your deepest need for emotional love. Your requests, however, might have come across as nagging or criticizing and thus drove your spouse away.


No comments: