It's the most wonderful time of tha year...

Turkey baster...meet Jessica...Jessica...meet a turkey baster~ MERRY freakin CHRISTMAS! Whaaaa?  So yeah, um today was my "big" appointment to decide what to "do from here"! I decided at last that Steven should probably break down and go with me. Up to this point I transcribed the information without difficulty, however I didn't think making a decision like this was "I'll let you know" appropriate. So off we went!

The doctor said exactly what I expected her to say. "Your not getting any younger, this is the next step, statistics say...yada yada yaaaaaa". She asked me what the ETA was on my egg making it's appearance. "Monday" I told her mostly expecting her to say "okay well lets plan on starting in January". Not so much! She said "well that's great! I'm on call this weekend so if it happens early we can meet here to do the procedure". WHAAAAAAT? I wish I could describe the looks that shot between Steven and I! lol! Um okay, well we were planning to go to Florida this weekend for our 2nd anniversary but... maybe I'll get turkey basted instead! Can I bring some friends and champagne and make it a party? Let's get ur done! I have no idea what I was prepared for, or what I was expecting, but I'm kinda still in shock. This is happening very fast...

We went through all of the incidentals, such as where Steven would make his contribution (hahahahaha =) yea, I'm like a second grader snickering in his peripheral vision), as well as, the shot I will need to induce ovulation at just the perfect moment. I will go back tomorrow to have an ultrasound so she can get an idea of when the little monster will slipidy slide on down the road to glory! At that point she will let me know weather or not I can go on vacation, and which TWO, yes I said two days I will need to be in for my... ahemmm, procedure. Two times the fun! Nothing like a little turkey basting to get me in the holiday spirit~

For those of you asking, I'll explain a little bit about the physical procedure.

Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a procedure which involves placing sperm inside a woman’s uterus to facilitate fertilization. It's kinda like ghetto artificial insemination! bhahaha

IUI is a fertility treatment that uses a catheter to place a number of washed sperm directly into the uterus. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization. Generally it is a fertility treatment often selected by couples who have been trying to conceive for at least one year but who have no known reasons for their infertility.

Although IUI still requires the sperm to reach and fertilize the egg on its own, it is important to make sure that the sperm is healthy and mobile. IUI provides the sperm an advantage by giving it a head start, but it still has to seek out the egg on its own. Go little Elliott sperm go! I want to make a banner for them! 

hayyyy! how you durin?

How does IUI work?

The IUI procedure is simple and may be performed even if the woman is not receiving medication to improve her egg production. Many physicians will encourage women to take medications to stimulate the ovaries in order to increase egg production and, hopefully, the chance of achieving pregnancy (thus the Clomid I have been on for 3 months now).

An ultrasound will be used to monitor the size of the follicles (follicles develop into eggs). The hormone, human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG), is administered to stimulate the release of eggs from the follicles within 34-40 hours.

A semen sample will be processed by the lab in order to separate the semen from the seminal fluid (only the biggest and best for me hahahaha). A catheter is used to inject the processed sperm directly into the uterus. This process maximizes the number of sperm cells that are placed in the uterus and thus increases the possibility of conception. 

The next step involves that dreaded TWO WEEK WAIT! As it happens, I will find out December 19-20th. What a Christmas this will be! Weather or not this works out, we feel like it's time to be proactive. My puppy daddy, and I have made the decision to try this a few times (with any luck, and a little helping push from God's hands, only once) to see if it works for us.  And for the record, I did not manipulate him into this. Although his reasons for concern were very valid, after a little bit of education and maybe a tensy, tiny bit of screaming, crying, wailing and gnashing of teeth, he saw things a little more clearly! (JK) We prayed hard about this, and we both have found peace with it.  So, as much as I love the hormone induced night sweats, hot flashes, suicidal/homicidal thoughts, erratic behavior, horrible nightmares, dry mouth and blurry vision I get to encounter every month, I will breathe a sigh of relief to give this journey the heck up! I would be a total liar to say that this doesn't give me renewed hope, and excitement. That being said, the very thought of it makes me cringe. I am moving slowly and carefully through the myriad of feelings that the thought of this IUI produces. What most people find exciting and the happiest moment of their lives, I live in trepidation of. This has been anything but fun and exciting. 

LOL). I can't even imagine how it will feel. I guess the old adage is true, the harder you have to work for something, the more you will appreciate it. I can say that while I will always appreciate the difficulty of this experience, I will forget every single horrible feeling, every month of disappointment, every hot flash, every single one of the million tears I have cried over the past 18 months, the second I see that sweet face! And ... I will probably do it all over again!

All of that being said, this whole process comes with renewed excitement, and with horrible anxieties and fears. I fight the thoughts of preparing myself for disappointment, while trying to stay positive and be excited for a supposedly exciting time! I'm telling you what, it's hard to appreciate the trillion feelings and thoughts that roll through my precious little head in one day. It's enough to torment your soul right out of you.

But God.

I have a promise. I have my faith. Weather or not I ever birth a baby, it makes no difference. I don't blame God (not anymore)! I refuse to believe that this will not happen for me. For those of you that know me, I am stubborn as an ox. I will not go down without a fight. I will not be robbed of something that clearly is mine. I'll have to give it to the old man upstairs (He lets me call Him that. We tight!), He's about worn this ol oxen (is that a female ox? idk. anyways you get the point) completely out. I get the mental picture of my dad spanking me (yes it happened a few thousand times ahahaha). He would chase me in a circle around, and around until I got the point, or he got tired! I wonder sometimes if God isn't chasing me in a circle. Only one problem with that. He's got more energy, and more time that I do. Really, I do believe that He will go to extraordinary lengths to get our attention sometimes. To the extent that He will allow hurtful circumstances to come your way, simply to remind you that you need Him, and that He still cares. If we never needed God, what would be the point? Well clearly, I am not in charge of my "5 year plan". He put the old ax on that real quick like so...here I am.

He kindly reminded me just today...

He is my father! What dad doesn't want the absolute best for his child? He is going to bring me through this whole experience a bigger and better person. You can all attest to my miracle when it gets here! AND you all know that I am kinda fond of dramatic entrances, so it' s should be no shock that my baby will make a grand one!  Until then, He's got her/him hemmed up taking all my sugar! Guess I'll have to suck the faces off of my 19 friends babies for now!

Hi angel Elliott! We are waiting on you!

You think it will look like me? lolol

should have named me Jessichin lyn flo!

Okay, I really have to go to sleep now, so I'll update asap! Please keep us in your prayers over the next few weeks. I will probably not be in my seat of rest, where I should be, but I sure am gonna try!

Happy Holidays! (Probably not all that thrilled about turkey now are ya?)