Thursday, September 22, 2011

update! I visited my eggs!

So I visited my eggs last Monday and it appears that there are 4 follicles! Any one of them or (oh lawd) all 4 could become a little Elliott! I am completely MEDICALLY cleared! The meds are working great and I will call her in 3 mths or...WITH A POSITIVE test!!! I told her that I hoped the next time she was in my vagina, somebody would wave! =} Yes, she thinks I'm nuts!

Now I'm in the dreaded 2ww. Ugggggg. The longest two weeks of your life...I would like to sound confident, but I don't much feel that at all. My thoughts teeter from minute to minute. Some minutes I am happy and excited, and some minutes I wonder how much longer I can torture myself with this. More often than I would like to admit, I think about quitting. Now that we have been trying, I cant imagine failing.  That inability to imagine failure as an option makes the failure every month increasingly difficult to deal with.  As most of you know, I don't like to anything. I may not be the smartest or richest person in the world, but I dang sure got some perseverance! I am NOT a quitter. I’m currently vacillating between anger because I alone cannot beat my infertility issues and my stupid body is too stupid to do what it’s supposed to do and deep, unyielding sadness over the baby that hasn't shown his sweet presence yet! Wow.

And then came a sweet, tender reminder (he's not always loud and booming, although God can be annoying and persistent! Ha like father, like daughter) of this story. I went back and read it and this was a great version!

God delights in turning misfortune to good fortune, calamty into blessing and great need into abundance! In 1 Samuel 1 we read the account of a woman named Hannah. Although she and her husband had been married for many years, she remained childless. Her inability to bear a child was a source of “great anguish and grief” to her. Not only did she personally long to hold and nurture her own child, but her rival cruelly mocked and taunted her because she couldn’t .One year, while Hannah and her husband were worshiping at Shiloh, Hannah prayed a to God again begging him to give her a son. It’s striking that she specifically asked for a son. Furthermore, she promised that she would devote this son to the Lord and His service all his life. Meanwhile, Eli the priest saw her praying and told her,  And just a “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” (1 Samuel 1:17)When Hannah left that day, she was no longer down-cast, but trusted that God was going to work on her behalf. A short time later, she became pregnant. When her child was born she named him Samuel. Hannah named him Samuel (meaning, “heard of God”) as a reminder that he was an answer to prayer from God.

Samuel went on to be a great judge, prophet and leader of Israel. He was a man who always followed and obeyed God and led Israel to do the same. Through his example and influence Samuel led Israel into righteous living through deeper relationship with God. What a tribute to God’s love and faithfulness to Hannah (and all Israel), and to me!

I am convinced that this will be the greatest hurdle of my life and one through which God may be glorified. Continue to pray to for us and and watch what He does to glorify Himself and bring great blessing to Steven and me, and to others through us!


Physically, I feel like I have had PMS for 4 solid weeks now! PMS x 30! I'm like a caged tiger just waiting to pounce on the first person to ride my nerves. Unfortunately for my sweet husband, he is usually the rider. Bless his little heart, I AM A DEMON. I don't mean I have my moments, I mean EVERY MOMENT IS MY MOMENT. You should really concentrate on praying for him, because he just looks at me most of the time like "what in the H*** have I gotten myself into"?  I cannot help it. I am trying to be sweet but sometimes him chewing gets on my nerves. He breathes to loud, and that gets on my nerves. He leaves the room because he can't do anything right, and I cry. Then I get mad because he made me cry. lololol Fun times!

 So much for timed coitus!

My calendar tells me every single step my body will take and color, time, date and every symptom known to mankind...

 Steven's calendar tells him...well...

Anyway I will try to update soon. I have been physically busy as a bee, and I try not to blog when Im a train wreck, because...well it wouldn't be good!

Hope you all have a blessed week!


Laura Ruskin said...

Still thinking of you guys...your blog is very entertaining :)

Janawyn said...

SAMUEL :)! I love that! this is awesome, and it can go ahead and happen now that i'm gone. The part about Steven and his schedule bahahahah... you slow. but I love you!

BriAnne Bell said...

Jess, I caught up on your blogs today and I have to, you are such an amazing person, inside and out! I love how you narrate and your humor with God:) I have and will continue to keep you, Steven and baby Elliott in my prayers<3!

kim robertson said...

Jess..It will happen for u, I just feel it, one day u will come in to work, with this big smile on your face..and you won't have to say anything to me, I will know it finally happened for you and Steven. Keep the faith girl. Love this blog!