That was the lightening striking me...just kiddin. I went to Bible study last night and my dad said the same thing he has been saying for awhile now, that I just actually caught. The subject matter was not even about me calling God a liar, but I regret to inform you that I have called Him a liar...more than once...this week! Yup. SO NOT KIDDING! You might be surprised, but God has made you many promises. But they’re promises that you have to claim in order to receive. Yes, God has in fact made hundreds of promises in His Word to those who profess to be Christians. The great news is that God keeps His word. ALWAYS. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE TIME (stole that from dad).Throughout the Bible, without exception, God keeps each and every promise ever made. That should give us great confidence to exercise our faith in God’s promises and lead a life of new blessings and for me A BABY! Have you ever felt like God had abandoned you? I have felt that so frequently in the past year that it sometimes scares me. Maybe you feel like that today… I know the feeling well.
However, we need to remember that God always keeps His promises. He will never forsake you nor leave you, as we are told in Deuteronomy 31:6 - That says never, not sometimes or maybe he won't, or if you stop cursing He will...it says NEVER!
It also says...The first commandment given to man was to have children. “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth.” (Genesis 1:28) Psalm 127:4-5 says, “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.”
So I'll answer the question for you. If you are constantly wondering how you are gonna make it, or if you have enough money or...(in my best whining voice) "when is it my turn? why doesn't my body work? what's wrong with me? Well, there you have it. You are calling God a liar every time you doubt Him. I wonder how well it would go over for my dad to come to me and say "Jessica, you will never go hungry (and well we all know Chic-fil-a would go under first =)), and I will keep a roof over your head. I love you and I will take care of you". And my response was "well dad, thats great and all but I don't believe you and your a liar". UMMMM, awkward. Probably not going to be a good night in the Floyd/Elliott houses. It's absolutely INSULTING to Him that we don't have any more faith than that!!!!! So...
in the infertility blogging world there is such a thing as the dreaded "two-week wait". It is absolutely excruciating. That is the two weeks we women build anticipation and hope, just to have it dashed with one trip to the potty. I cannot explain how inadequate and helpless this trip is every single month. Having to tell your husband every time that this is NOT the month...again reiterates how NOT normal I am. Sobbing on the toilet has become more of a norm than an exception in the past year. This is a lonely, battle of self hatred for most women and explains to me why marriages don't survive this. All that being said, yes I am sad...once a month and sometimes more often. And I cry. Passing baby isles in Target, watching mothers wheeled out of the hospital, sweet baby in tow, and glowing fathers pushing. Sometimes I beg. All I want is a little plus sign!!!! PUUUUUUUUULEASE. In the end, I have to remind myself that His promise is yes and AMEN! So now for the finale...
I can finally say (still with tears but I can get it out now) IF I NEVER HAVE A BABY, IT WILL NOT CHANGE MY BELIEF IN A VERY LIVING GOD, ONE BIT!!!!!!! A baby will not complete me, and a baby will not solve my issues...
But I'm willing to give it a shot! (YOU HEAR ME GOD? IT'S ME AGAIN...JESSICA...THE ONE BEGGING FOR TWINS!)!!!
Keep me in your prayers, or maybe I'll keep you all in mine!