So what had happened was... I have been wrestling for months now with the never ending question...to clomid, or not to clomid? The doctors have been suggesting fertility drugs since about month 6. I am now in month 14! I have questioned God many, many times and doggonit he would not answer me to save my life. I swear, I know God is a man because he has very selective hearing. So in my mind the big question for Him has been "if I take the drugs, does that negate the whole point?" If you want to do a miracle then, hey, I'm game. I am a fan of attention myself (as most of u have encountered at one time or another)! But if I take the drugs and get pregnant, then will people assume that God had no real part in this at all? I need to comply so He can have the glory, right? He did tell me that ahhhhhem, it wasn't about me ahemmmmm. If I suffer a little while longer, then people will know a true miracle happened!
So I got the meds filled last week, and they have been staring me in the face. They grew eyes and have taunted me day in and day out. I'm pretty sure Satan himself entered the clomid box.
I got my friend 2 days ago so tomorrow is the "Magic" day I am supposed to start them. Now, as most of u know, I am a proponent of drugs. The legal ones anyway. Diet pills, check. Sleeping pills, check. Mood stabilizers, check. And if they made a drama reducer pill I would buy a lifetime supply, and stock in the company (if I could beat Steven to it). So the medication in and of itself, is no issue. It's the principle behind it.
Well tonight I was frying in the tanning bed (the melanin is great for infertile people. I made that up but it sounded good) anyway when God axed me several questions. The convo went something like this...
Me: Yes God?
God: let me ask u a few things
Me: (having no idea where this was going, in fact I was trying to relax) okay shoot. I'm pretty sure I have the answers (lol)
God: have u slung any stars in the sky with your hand?
Me: (still clueless as to where he was headed) uh no. Not today. I've been busy!
God: well dear, have u fed 5000 people on a loaf of bread and some fish?
Me: I don't fish. I can't be quiet long enough, nor can I sit still.
God: how about water? Have u walked on water lately?
Me: (now starting to catch on), God??? I barely walked up the stairs to the gym without going into respiratory distress...I'm pretty sure walking on water is out of the question.
God: then DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF!
Me: RUDE. (with my lip turned up) flatter myself about what? What did I do now?
God: let me Ask u something else. (oh no)
Me: NO, I'm fresh out of miracles today. I didn't perform any. Not one.
God: that wasn't the question. (oops) You wanna know why I am God and u r not?
Me: here we go again...patronizing voice with attitude, because your God and I'm not. yeah, yeah, I got that.
God: Oh you got that hu? Then why in the world would you presume that anything u do or take is going to effect me either way?
I don't know? I was trying to help u out dude.
God: um thanks, but as I said before...I got this.
Take the drugs.
Me: WHAT? I got the answer I wanted? This must be the devil posing in a God voice, because RARELY do I get the answer I want. It's always you trying to teach me some lesson, or patience or some kinda crap like that. You mean you see this one my way? Really? Really I'm happy God but did u have to wait until 9 hours before my first dose to tell me? I've been requesting an answer for months now.
God: You know Jessica, u are bossy. Will u please not harass me? U don't need to know everything.
Me: so I've been told. And I probably won't leave you alone. Please don't tell Steven he's right. I'll give up coke if you keep that one to yourself! Ohhhhhhhh.
God: TAKE THE MEDICINE. I don't need u to rally a team of people to believe I had a hand in this. I'm pretty sure I got that too. I am who I say I am, and I can and I will do, what I said I will do...and for the record...I am a solo act!
Me: ahahahahahaha yeah, I got that!
God: Now quit frying your skin! Ahahahahahahahaha.
So that was that. A weight immediately lifted off of my shoulders. I don't know if the clomid is my answer or not. At this point, it is really inconsequential. All I do know is that if he chooses to use the meds to help me...then great...and if not. I got His number...and I will harass Him A LOT!
And HE'S GOT THIS!
P.s. I recount these stories just like they happen. I am just that sarcastic to Him, and he hands it right back to me! Good thing He has a great sense of humor!
P.S.S. The stats show that 10% of women on clomid have multiples. That number doubles when "normal" women take clomid
THAT ADDITION MAKES 20% FOR ME. OH LAWWWWWWWWWWD.