Thursday, August 18, 2011



I am sobbing as I write this. Partially because I am elated and partially because I am stunned. So today was my yearly "girlie exam". This exam was routine, but I was also scheduled to discuss my infertility. Let me start with a little bit of background information. My doctor suggested Clomid months ago. I have been to three different doctors in the past year and a half. I didn't choose two of them for various reasons. The third one was my original obgyn. I left her to begin with because I work at Conway and she doesn't have delivery privileges there so I only cheated on her for insurance purposes. BIG mistake. I won't do that again! Anyway, after both doctors did ultrasounds independently of one another, and I had an HSG (my fallopian tubes blown out), the diagnosis was conclusive...PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome, a hemmoragic cyst, and a bicornuate vs septal uterus. Without boring you with the details, one doctor simply looked at me and said "you getting pregnant naturally will be like finding a needle in a haystack so get ready". WOW! Not exactly what I had in mind (I should also mention that I have been on NO meds to fix any of this thus far)! Needless to say a mental breakdown ensued.
Okay so back to today, I will recount this story as best I can through a computer. The conversation went something like this...
Me: I am still bleeding erratically, but I think I ovulated this month. I felt it on the right side. I'm not convinced that there is anything wrong with my ovulation. My husband and I have faith and are believing for a baby. I know that may sound crazy, but I don't care! I have been called I don't know where to go from here. I know that medically you are going to suggest drugs, and I'm not necessarily opposed to that, but what is your professional opinion, keeping my moral and ethical dilemma in mind.
Dr G: Okay Jessica. I am a believer myself, but as your doctor, I am telling you that it is is highly unlikely that you are ovulating. I know that you feel things that may feel like ovulation, but your mind can play tricks on you. We can be as aggressive as you want, or take this as slow as you want, but I am telling need the drugs. You are clinically INFERTILE. I would like to ultrasound your ovaries right now to see if you ovulated and the eggs are mature.
Me: Okay doc, whatever you say.
Dr G: I WOULD BANK MY MONEY ON THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT OVULATING PROPERLY OR NOT AT ALL. I know this is hard but you have to accept it. Now, lets get moving on getting you pregnant.
ME: Well okay, I'm not getting any younger or any more patient sitting here.

So fast-forward two hours to my ultrasound...

US tech: Hi Jessica. Dr G wants me to take a look at your ovaries. What am I looking for?
Me: Well I have PCOS, a bicornuate uterus (which for those of you who don't know means I have two uteruses. Yeah, I'm not joking. I had three different tests to prove it) and she doesn't think i'm ovulating at all. So you are looking to tell me I need drugs!
US tech (with probe in the you know where): okay, really? Who told you this?
Me: Uh 2 different doctors and several different tests.
US tech (wand out of the who ha): I'm going to talk to doctor G. I'll be back. You just sit right here.
US tech: Okay well I spoke to Dr G and she wants to see you in her office. (Revert back to high school or, who am I kidding...a few weeks ago at work) when I get called to the it NEVER good.

30 minutes later...

Dr G: Jessica, I don't know how to tell you this...(OH GOD I'M DYING. IT'S A RARE FORM OF FLESH EATING DISEASE RIGHT?) BUT...




NO REALLY. WHAT? pin dropping...

I really don't know what to say, but everything in your body is completely normal. Your uterus is normal, your ovaries are normal and you have HUGE eggs coming from your right ovary.
(Enlist the 'I TOLD YOU SO's')

ME: WHAT?????????????????????????????

DR G: I don't know what to say right now. Two different doctors, many tests, and you are NORMAL. I'm just going to say this...I don't know what you are praying, but I will consider myself a "helper of God". Something happened and I don't know what, but it is highly unlikely that the original dx was wrong.



Dr G: yep. as a heart attack.
Me: I don't have cancer?
Dr G: uh no who told you that? lololol

DR G: I still want you to take some medicines to increase your chances of conceiving, but you have a clean bill of health. And, your blood pressure was better than it has ever been!

So, I left like a zombie. The front office lady could have charged me a million dollars and I wouldn't have known it. I threw myself into looking this one up and this is what I found...
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us. Whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him” (1 John 5:14-15). God still performs miracles. God still heals people. My "unexplained infertility" is still a reality but it is not a finality. I needed to be less preoccupied with my physical condition in this world and a lot more concerned with my spiritual condition. Revelation 21:4 describes the true healing we should all be longing for: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”


Maybe, just maybe this has been my lesson throughout this excruciating time. I am so consumed with what is wrong with me and "my plan" for my life, that I never stopped to consider what His plan might be. Little by little He is proving His faithfulness in abundance. I can look at this now and think, I needed a change of pace. I needed to forgot the old reasons I had for wanting a baby, and re-evaluate them. Deuteronomy 8:2
says "And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not". He has tested my heart and my intentions and by golly I think I might be passing this time! =) My whole outlook has changed. My whole attitude has changed. My whole LIFE HAS CHANGED! And contrary to what Steven may tell you...I AM NORMAL! (I'm preaching way better than ya'll are amen-in)!!

Dr G: I don't know what to say.
Dr G: well HALLELUJAH then!

FINAL Pictures, Images and Photos

He is enjoying my baby for now...but it's my turn SOON and I intend on spoiling him rotten! Starting with these =). I couldn't resist!



Becky Small said...

WOW!!! I love reading your posts, but this one is GREAT! I'm so happy for you!!!


Bronwyn said...

OMG...literally! So happy for you!

Lindsey said...

I'm a freakin hot mess right now k. Ive thought about this all afternoon now but slowing down for a minute and reading this is just,....i dont know....CRAZY! Sort of,kinda,not really. I mean, I kinda remember yelling(and believe me if you hadnt have been driving with two hands i would have been fearing for my life) at you one night in the car that this was your test and that thus far you were sucking at it. That you were so busy being the punctual Jessica,I'm ready for a baby so i should have one,Jessica that you were losing sight of what was actually happening. Turn over the rains that you have such a tight grip on and let him do what he does. We all know Jessica can fix our boo boo's, your always there for your family, you always do the "right things", you always write your thank you cards, you always do good in school, you work hard for the things you have but.......your not the one in control. Duh! Lindsey but I am in control, of everything! Im pretty sure were your exact words. Well.....not so much my friend, and i give you an A+ for this test. You see that this is all him and not you and I(me) believe thats been the bigest change ive seen in you. Your life is more fufilled, more fruitful, more meaningful than its ever been before. I love you, I love your day today, I love what you've become and the WONDERFUL mom your ABSOLUTELY GOING to be.

kim robertson said...

Jessica, u r so doggone sweet and such an inspiration for me...just reading your blog makes me want to cry for joy...your happiness and faith in God brings a touch of warmth and smile in my heart. I am so glad to have u around in my life while at work. Thank u for being U :) Keep up the good work! U R truly blessed. KimR

Shannon Law said...

Congrats Jess! I'm so happy for the ways that god is working in your life. Reading this I thought of how I'm constantly reminding myself that it's gods will before my wants! I feel that it is gods will for you and Steven to have a child and this is proof that he will send him to you soon.

Heidi Davis said...

I just feel such a peace over me when I see this renewal of faith. I love, love, love what God is doing in your and Steven's life...what an amazing testimony!! This can be your opener for the future road trips on the Evangelism tour (hehehe!!) as I work the curtains and Steven does the lights and sound!!!

Anonymous said...

I am crying at work right now!! Through Christ all things are possible!!! Your time is coming sweet girl :) Marian

Anonymous said...

Awwww Thats great news Jessica ... And Im thrilled to death for you. You and Steven are gonna be great parents and Now that you know that god IS hearing you, you can relax ok Missy. Because you know you will get your PLUS sign soon, I just know it :) Love you xoxo... Ava

jaimers said...

Well, i'd like to say that i'm so surprised....but, I'M NOT ONE BIT!!!! I saw your body healed and whole a long time ago, when you couldn't, I could. I knew God was going to bring Himself glory thru this and this is just the beginning! I would say you are passing this test with flying colors. I LOVE to see God transforming your heart and mind, it's so sweet and refreshing! It's impossible for us to lose, we are the head and not the tail, the first and not the last! Get used to that favor, cause it's all a part of our inheritance in Christ! We are seated in heavenly places!!! I'm so happy for you, like SO HAPPY!!! Can't wait to be a auntie soon!!! xoxoxo

andria said...

So its 0430 and I am balling my eyes out! I am so happy for you and Stephen. God is Good about sums it up. You are going to be a great mom.

Anonymous said...

Jess, that is amazing. I cant wait to see all the spoiling you give to your beautiful baby. you are going to be an amazing Mommy! Heather

Ginny said...

I love you guys! This is so gonna happen for you and you are gonna be a better Mommy for having gone through this time together!

Morgan said...

Wow Jess! I'm speechless! God is so good and your faith in his work and plan is so amazing and inspiring. Sending lots and love and prayers your way! Love, Morgan

Jessica Elliott said...

Thank you all again! Please continue to leave me feedback as you watch this amazing venture unfold! xoxo

Bobbie said...

OMG Jess your post will make you cry Girl it's gonna happen soon I feel your pain and I have seen you in pain at work and I try to tell you it will happen when you least expect it. GOD knows what his plan is for you so keep having the FAITH it will happen and then I can sit back and see all the joy you have. You and Steven will be GREAT parents Love You Girl!!!